Change...

I want a new look because I feel like I need a change. I need some clothes that tell people who I am. At the moment, I feel neither my clothes nor my hair tell people anything about me. I have always been someone who never wanted to copy what others wear. I wanted my own style, wanted to be as far from the norm that I could handle. Yet in college, I feel like I didn't do this. I feel like I didn't show people the true me when they first met me. It's hard for me to tell people anything, and I think I try to get some things out by wearing what I wear. Again, I think I toned it down when I got to college. I'm not saying I wore crazy clothes in high school. I did wear a mix between punk and skater and I don't know what. It was whatever I felt like wearing that day. I do know that nowadays I just wear jeans and a t-shirt, and I've come to hate this look. I use to wear skirts with colorful leggings and just as colorful Converse. I think I've dressed like this once, and the Converse weren't as colorful and I looked like I was dressing up and no one knew I would wear something like this on a normal day for me. I don't know what happened to me. I know I learned more about myself once I got to college, but yet I changed the one part of me I thought I knew. I changed how I dressed and I don't like it. I don't like it even more that stores I loved to shop at have started selling clothes I would never wear. I love my shoes, but the one time of the year that I am actually willing to wear sandals(I don't like flip flops, I'll only wear them sometimes) they start selling these ugly gladiator sandals. I loathe those shoes. I don't get why no sandal besides the ones for old ladies can be anything but gladiator sandals. If they aren't than they are also just as ugly or hurt my feet. I've had the hardest time finding a pair of sandals to wear that I've gone most of this summer wearing TOMS. I want to be able to find clothes or shoes that scream me! But so far no such luck. It's either make my clothes, which is not really an option since I know only how to use a sewing machine a little bit, or start dressing like everyone else, which I don't want to happen. Again I say, I want to find a look that screams me. I have no idea what type of look suits me, I thought I did, but I can't really say I classify myself as any sort of type of person anymore. I use to dress like a prep in middle school, that's who I thought I was, then in eighth grade I decided I wanted to go more punk but not that over the top. I kept that up till maybe senior year, which is when I just started wearing anything I felt like and if I liked it, it was what I wore that day. I didn't care what people thought, I only cared what I thought, still do. But now I don't like what I wear and think that I've settle for clothes that I probably never really liked. It's not like I hate everything I own. I actually love a lot of the clothes I own, but I feel that I may have this one shirt, but not say a cool cardigan or cool pants or jeans to go with it so the overall affect is gone. Sometimes I don't wear a certain shirt because I feel that if I wear with the jeans I own then they will tone it down, and I'll not be me anymore on the outside. Same thing goes with my hair. I want it long, but my hair doesn't grow that fast and also I feel my hair style isn't me. I feel I'm having an identity crisis but only with the outside. Like I know who I am on the inside but that doesn't come through on the outside. It is completely frustrating most days, and some days I wish I could go on a shopping spree just to find the me on the outside. Just to find those clothes that will finally show people who I am. Maybe it's just in my head that the person I am doesn't come through when I step outside or when I choose what shirt to wear, maybe others can tell what type of person I am, but I think they can't. It doesn't matter if they can, I want to be the one who notices. Because I haven't ever asked someone what they think when  I know I like what I have on, it's only when I'm not sure, and lately I feel like I need to ask people and I hate that. This is just too frustrating. I'm hoping I can find this new look that shows me.

Alisha

What is in a Name?

Alisha:

Meaning: 'Protected by God', 'Trustworthy', and 'Noble.'


Do I fit my name? Am I really "trustworthy" or "noble". Some days I despise that I was given a name that's common. I don't believe myself to be normal, and would like a name to reflect this.  Maybe the spelling isn't common and maybe some people pronounce my name wrong all the time( they don't say it like you would say Alicia). Maybe I wish I had a cool nickname I would allow everyone to call me instead of my name. I do get called different nicknames but by different people. My sister hardly ever calls me by my name anymore preferring to call me Alishie in this weird voice anytime she gets a chance. I get called LiLi, but I don't think people would think that's from my name. I don't want to be called Ali because that's just as common. I would go by my middle name but I don't think it really fits me either. This post may seem like all I'm doing is dissing my name, but I really just wanted to post about if my name really suits me. 


Noble:
Meaning: of an exalted moral or mental character or excellence


Am I noble? Do I have moral and excellent character? I don't want to sound arrogant because I'm not like that at all. I don't like to talk about myself or brag. I do like to tell stories about things that have happened to me, but I'd rather not really talk that much at all. Anyways I believe that I would want to do the right thing whenever possible, and I don't want to ever cause anyone pain. I usually think a lot about things before I even decide to go through with something. It's just how I am, and sometimes I talk myself out of stuff a lot. So maybe I'm noble, but you would have to ask someone else.


Trustworthy:
Meaning :deserving of trust  or confidence; dependable; reliable:


This is what I really would like to be. I do think I can be trusted and dependable. Like I wrote earlier, I don't want to cause anyone pain, and I don't want to let anyone down. I want to be a person, my friends can turn to when they need me. I hope that this comes out to them and that this is how they would describe me besides quiet and sarcastic. 


I was just wondering about this recently, wondering if anyone else wonders if the meaning of their name matches with how they really are. I'm hoping mine does. It's a great meaning, and the type of person I want to be. I didn't talk about the protected by God part because I think that a lot of people are watched over by God even though I'm not that religious. It's also not mentioned on all the other sites I've looked at. I just wanted to focus on what was mentioned on most of the sites.


So do you believe your name matches with how you are?


Alisha 

What Is Up With This?

So Blogger has decided to change everything about it. I kind of like it, but it's gotten me more obsessed with going on here just to look at my page views. I hardly ever cared before, but now I want to know. I blame you Blogger! It makes me wonder who's looking at my blog, and I don't like that it has these off the wall sites that say they're my referring sites. I keep thinking to myself, "How do people find my blog through a site that sales sunglasses?" It's weird, and I sometimes wonder why Blogger even feels the need to tell me this. I guess I like knowing which of my posts are the most popular, but honestly I don't really care that much. I just really want to know how people find my blog from random sites I have never visited and don't pertain to blogs at all. Is it too much to ask just for that?

Previously on The Alisha Show...

So the last time I had posted I talked about a little dream of mine. Nothing too big like saving the world or becoming Batwoman(which would be awesome!), no it was just about me getting to be lazy and watch movies. I'm thinking this dream can be accomplished at any time in my life, so for now it is on hold. It's on hold primarily because I am back at the oh so wonderful Clemson University taking 2 classes instead of 1 this summer session. I wish I hadn't decided to take summer classes. First summer session fooled me into thinking this wouldn't be that bad, but right now I can't stand my Chem 102 class. I don't have the same professor as I did for Chem 101, and I really wish I did. My Chem 101 professor seemed to teach it better, and I got the material a lot easier. It's not like I'm not understanding it this time, I'm one of the few people who actually passed the first test. It's just that I feel like he doesn't really try to get us to understand it. He also wants to use a book none of us have from Chem 101. A book that all the homework's based on, but it costs at least $200, and I won't ever use it again, I'll be using it for a couple of weeks, and I won't get nearly that much back for it when I try to sell it back(if they even allow me to sell it back). I was thinking about getting the ebook, but that costs $100. They really don't want me to get this book. So for now I'm just dealing with it and trying to get through the class so I can go on to Organic in the fall. Mainly I just want to get to the fall semester. I just want to get through all of it. I really wish I could transfer in the spring but I have to wait a year and transfer in the fall. I'm hoping the next year goes by well. Anyways, last time I talked about My World With Netflix, well these next few weeks I have to live in the awful world of My World Without Netflix. I'm not looking forward to it. Wish me luck with these next few weeks!

Alisha