Why Can't Life be Like the Movies?

Why can't my life be like a romantic comedy where in the end everything works out like it's suppose to. You end up with the right guy and everything seems perfect. You never know how life is afterwards but you believe in your heart that it all works out perfectly. That their lives are going to be great now since the two people that were meant to be are together and always will be.

Life seems to only be like this in my dreams. Nothing ever goes like the movies and if it does, then I find myself questioning it and wondering when I'll wake up. Life isn't perfect. You don't accept that everything works out as soon as that final kiss happens. You don't accept not knowing what happens after the credits role. I find myself nowadays hating romantic comedies because they get this so-called awesome guy who just happens to be perfect for them, while you're questioning yourself about why you can't find that guy for you. Romantic comedies need to go jump off a cliff. I sound like a cynic and someone who doesn't believe in love, but I do. I'm even happy right now, but I still hate romantic comedies. Only a few of them are worth watching. Most of them have the same plot line, just different characters and maybe a different scenario, they all still end the same with me wanting to throw the DVD out the window. You can easily predict the ending. Yet with me thinking this, I still wish my life was like it. If only. 

Hmmmmmm

Well I have no idea what to title this post, which is why it got the title it got.

Anyways, what I really want to post about is the fact that I am a person who tends to obsess over something so much that it becomes the one thing I focus on. For instance, when I like a guy, which is the thing I'm mainly referring to now. I have problems focusing on anything other than whether or not I will see/talk/hang out/ anything that has to do with him. It's completely annoying but I can't help myself. I really want to think about something else but have a hard time with that. I tend to analyze everything just wanting to know what it may mean. I'm a complete idiot when it comes to guys. Last year I had the same problem, but still managed to get work done. I don't know why this year is differently. Maybe because I've been sick and obsessing over a guy at the same time. So I've decided to not try too hard with this guy and not force anything so I can focus on my school work and other important things. I have no idea if this will work but it may help me finally be able to get through my last class on Mondays and Wednesdays without worrying about whether I'm going to see him or not. But if I know me, which lately I think I don't know myself that much at all, then this will most likely not happen. I wish I could do this, and hopefully I can. Wish me luck!!!

When My Life Seems LIke It's Going Awesome, I Just Get Worse

By this I mean that for 3 weeks now I have been on and off sick with different things. It makes no sense to me what so ever. This week has been the worse. By Friday last week I finally got to feeling better and the party turned out to go better than expected. Still not sure about how the guy I like feels about me, but at least we talk to each other and hang out. I know I want more, but I have no idea about him. Anyways, this week again Monday was good for only one reason, but mostly that day was horrible. I felt terrible and had to leave work early. I haven't even been back to work lately because of how horrible I feel. My mom thinks it's the flu. I have never had the flu, so I don't know what it's like. And if I do have it I really don't want to get others sick. I have also missed more classes than ever this week. I hate that part because I know I do not need to be missing classes. I have also barely eaten anything and no medicine seems to help me. I don't want to go back to Redfern(the student health center here on campus) because last time they didn't help me at all. All I really want is one week where I don't feel extremely crappy. Yesterday was pretty bad too. I had an exam that I couldn't miss because medical excuses for this class don't allow for a make up exam. I have no idea if I did as well as I could have on the exam. Right now all I want is to be my normal self again. Is that too much to ask? Tomorrow I plan on going to work, apologizing for missing so much. and going to all my classes because none of them can be missed. I will have to deal with the way I feel and get through the day no matter what. I hope I don't lose my job. It's not like I planned to be sick. I even went in Monday planning to stay my whole shift, when 45 minutes in I nearly threw up and had to leave. I think my boss understands. I also don't want to get anyone else sick if I am contagious. I don't know what to do right now, I just want to feel better! 

Can't This Just Go Away

So lately I have been feeling really crappy. There's absolutely no reason for it. Honestly I don't understand why I feel so low. Earlier this week, Monday, I had an awesome day that should have made my whole week awesome, but no by Tuesday I was feeling like I hit rock bottom. Then yesterday I just felt even worse. Not even seeing the guy I have a too huge of crush on made me feel any better. That's when I knew something was wrong. I'm not only feeling low, I feel nauseous, extremely tired, don't want to eat anything, and short of breath. I am at this moment blaming it on this new medicine that I started taking that is suppose to make me feel better but all it's done is make me feel worse. On Monday I was excitedly looking forward to Friday, now I don't know. There's this party going on Friday, that I was happily looking forward to but now it's making me upset. I want to stop taking this medicine, but I'm not sure if that will help or just make things worse. On top of that I need to go see the doctor but today happens to be my busiest day and absolutely have no real free time to stop by there and wait since I have no appointment. I could possibly go tomorrow, but at this point I honestly don't care. That's another thing, I've started thinking I don't care about a lot of things and last week that was not the case. I feel like I have become the most depressed person in the world, and I blame this medicine. I wasn't blaming the medicine, I was thinking it was just me, till I told my mom and she told me to check the side effects of what I'm taking online. Turns out everything I'm going through is a possible side effect of the medicine. Another problem with that is it's not like I got one or two side effects, it's like I've gotten almost all of them! That seems odd to me. So maybe I should see the doctor, but I have no time and can't really make time. So I really have no idea what to do right now. 

Fall Semester Off To A Great Start!

So I've been at back at college for a little over a week now. I've gotta say sophomore year seems like it is going to be a lot better than freshman year. I plan on doing a post about the perks of the second year over the first. Right now all I really want to do is scream, with joy that is. I'm am soooooo happy right now! It's actually kind of weird. It has something to do with a guy, but right now that's all I can say since I don't know how he feels about me. I do know that every time that I see him I get super nervous and it's hard to eat. I've had this feeling before and it's always annoyed me, but it also tells me that I must really like this guy. Another problem is there may be another guy I like because I get the same feeling around him, but again I have no idea about how he feels. I'm terrible at reading guys. Absolutely clueless. I just know I have to figure this out. Now I'm kind of frustrated because I feel like I should like the one I hung out with yesterday, but I don't know anymore. Yet I'm still happy and can't help but smile. Besides this exciting news/dilemma, my classes are going okay and I'm liking my new job. Only problem with them is that I have an 8 am, and it makes me just want to go to sleep. Hopefully that doesn't happen because it's organic chemistry and I need to do well in this class. Anyways this is all I'm going to say for now. I'll post something else later.

Alisha