Don't know what to call this one...

Well it's been a while since I posted on here or my other blog. I blame being busy with school and just not feeling like typing anything.
Anyways, I guess I need to do an update on what's going in my life. Where to start??? I guess I can start by saying that I'm back at school. I'm happy to be back mainly because of my friends and a guy but other than that, the semester has been ok. I can honestly tell you that my winter break wasn't that great. I wish it was better. I loved seeing my family, but couldn't stand being back in my hometown. I realize every time I go home that the only thing I ever miss is my family and a few friends, never anything else about my hometown. Most of the time I can't wait to get back to school. OH! I forgot to mention one of my christmas presents I got from my brother. It's a tattoo. It's the pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness. My aunt had breast cancer, and we were very close, so I got my first tattoo as a sort of dedication to her. I'll put up a picture later. I've been wanting a tattoo for years, but didn't decide to get it until my brother was asking me what I wanted for Christmas. I have come to the realization that I don't really care if people give me presents for holidays or my birthday. It's no longer a big deal like it was when I was a kid. I do, however, love giving others presents. I think it's fun to find the perfect gift for a friend or family member. Last year, I loved looking for stuff to give my twin for Christmas and our birthday. I couldn't wait to see her reaction to what I got her. This year, I couldn't wait to get back to school to give my roommate(this year my roommate and I are really close friends, and love being roommates) and some of my good friends their gifts. My roommate is obsessed with Chris Brown and believes that she will marry him(If you knew her, you wouldn't doubt her on this). So I went on a search for a gift that involved this. I managed to find a shirt that said, "The Future Mrs. Chris Brown." It also happened to be pink or more salmon, her favorite color. She literally couldn't contain her excitement when I gave it to her. For my other friends, I had my mom crochet some scarfs in their favorite color, and for one friend in the multitude of colors that she asked for(which happened to make the scarf look like it was from Harry Potter). I also crocheted some of them a beanie in their favorite colors. I didn't mind doing any of this because I love crocheting and it distracted me over my break, and got me out of my head. Anyways, I guess that explains why I love giving rather than receiving, and also catches you up on some of the things that have been going on. Hopefully after this upcoming weekend, I have some even more exciting news to tell you.

Adios,

Alisha

Hmmmmmm

Well I have no idea what to title this post, which is why it got the title it got.

Anyways, what I really want to post about is the fact that I am a person who tends to obsess over something so much that it becomes the one thing I focus on. For instance, when I like a guy, which is the thing I'm mainly referring to now. I have problems focusing on anything other than whether or not I will see/talk/hang out/ anything that has to do with him. It's completely annoying but I can't help myself. I really want to think about something else but have a hard time with that. I tend to analyze everything just wanting to know what it may mean. I'm a complete idiot when it comes to guys. Last year I had the same problem, but still managed to get work done. I don't know why this year is differently. Maybe because I've been sick and obsessing over a guy at the same time. So I've decided to not try too hard with this guy and not force anything so I can focus on my school work and other important things. I have no idea if this will work but it may help me finally be able to get through my last class on Mondays and Wednesdays without worrying about whether I'm going to see him or not. But if I know me, which lately I think I don't know myself that much at all, then this will most likely not happen. I wish I could do this, and hopefully I can. Wish me luck!!!

Can't This Just Go Away

So lately I have been feeling really crappy. There's absolutely no reason for it. Honestly I don't understand why I feel so low. Earlier this week, Monday, I had an awesome day that should have made my whole week awesome, but no by Tuesday I was feeling like I hit rock bottom. Then yesterday I just felt even worse. Not even seeing the guy I have a too huge of crush on made me feel any better. That's when I knew something was wrong. I'm not only feeling low, I feel nauseous, extremely tired, don't want to eat anything, and short of breath. I am at this moment blaming it on this new medicine that I started taking that is suppose to make me feel better but all it's done is make me feel worse. On Monday I was excitedly looking forward to Friday, now I don't know. There's this party going on Friday, that I was happily looking forward to but now it's making me upset. I want to stop taking this medicine, but I'm not sure if that will help or just make things worse. On top of that I need to go see the doctor but today happens to be my busiest day and absolutely have no real free time to stop by there and wait since I have no appointment. I could possibly go tomorrow, but at this point I honestly don't care. That's another thing, I've started thinking I don't care about a lot of things and last week that was not the case. I feel like I have become the most depressed person in the world, and I blame this medicine. I wasn't blaming the medicine, I was thinking it was just me, till I told my mom and she told me to check the side effects of what I'm taking online. Turns out everything I'm going through is a possible side effect of the medicine. Another problem with that is it's not like I got one or two side effects, it's like I've gotten almost all of them! That seems odd to me. So maybe I should see the doctor, but I have no time and can't really make time. So I really have no idea what to do right now. 

Finally Over!!!

I have officially finished summer classes! Hooray! Now I can go home and sleep! Finally! The torture that is Chemistry 102 is now over! I can now take a short break and not worry until August 24th, which is when I start back for fall semester. Hopefully I can get through it. I seriously don't think I'll be doing another summer course, especially not at my school. I'm still looking into transferring, but I have till April to send in my applications, that's enough time to decide. I'm hoping this week and a half is enough time for me to catch back up on sleep, who knows if I'll get any during the fall. This break also means that I probably won't be posting that much, not that I do that now. It mainly means I probably won't be posting that much on my other blog, the one I review books on. Well anyways this was just suppose to be a short rant about finally being done with summer classes. I am never going through that again!(Hopefully)

Oh and before I forget, I remember that last year I had posted about working at the post office. Well I thought I would still be working there, but they got bought out. I was going to reapply and work for the new company(they really seemed to want me), but I had applied for a couple of other jobs just in case I wasn't guaranteed a job at the post office, which I wasn't. So I had an interview with Special Collections, a branch of the library, and they were willing to hire me that day. So I went to talk to the new boss at the post office, and he told me he would love to have me but there was no guarantee and actually told me to take the job at the library. I wasn't going to argue. I kind of wanted a change. I loved working at the post office, but I have always loved the library and am hoping that this job goes ok. I also liked that they basically guaranteed me a job as long as I informed them of my plans by today. I had talked to the post office on Monday, and then called them that same day. It's the same hours, same pay. It's just a change of scenery. I won't see people as much, but I'm an introvert, I never really liked dealing with arrogant college students anyways. The only reason I say this is because a bunch of them thought they had a right to tell me how to do my job, when they had no idea what they were talking about. One girl even told me to tell whoever puts stuff in the mailboxes to make sure not to cause the boxes to open because hers was open. After talking to one of my supervisors, I was told there was no way we could of caused her box to come open from putting mail in there. She had left it open. I wasn't mad that she told me this, I was mad at the way she said, all high and mighty. No, I'm not going to miss it. I am going to miss being able to tell my friends when their package has gotten there, or being there when mine got there, and being able to get as soon as I processed it. I loved that part. I also really liked my co workers, but only a few of them are going to still be there. I'm really looking forward to my new job. I will most likely start as soon as fall semester starts, which is another plus since the post office couldn't tell me when I would be able to start back if I did get the job.

Now this is really the end of this post.

Alisha

Change...

I want a new look because I feel like I need a change. I need some clothes that tell people who I am. At the moment, I feel neither my clothes nor my hair tell people anything about me. I have always been someone who never wanted to copy what others wear. I wanted my own style, wanted to be as far from the norm that I could handle. Yet in college, I feel like I didn't do this. I feel like I didn't show people the true me when they first met me. It's hard for me to tell people anything, and I think I try to get some things out by wearing what I wear. Again, I think I toned it down when I got to college. I'm not saying I wore crazy clothes in high school. I did wear a mix between punk and skater and I don't know what. It was whatever I felt like wearing that day. I do know that nowadays I just wear jeans and a t-shirt, and I've come to hate this look. I use to wear skirts with colorful leggings and just as colorful Converse. I think I've dressed like this once, and the Converse weren't as colorful and I looked like I was dressing up and no one knew I would wear something like this on a normal day for me. I don't know what happened to me. I know I learned more about myself once I got to college, but yet I changed the one part of me I thought I knew. I changed how I dressed and I don't like it. I don't like it even more that stores I loved to shop at have started selling clothes I would never wear. I love my shoes, but the one time of the year that I am actually willing to wear sandals(I don't like flip flops, I'll only wear them sometimes) they start selling these ugly gladiator sandals. I loathe those shoes. I don't get why no sandal besides the ones for old ladies can be anything but gladiator sandals. If they aren't than they are also just as ugly or hurt my feet. I've had the hardest time finding a pair of sandals to wear that I've gone most of this summer wearing TOMS. I want to be able to find clothes or shoes that scream me! But so far no such luck. It's either make my clothes, which is not really an option since I know only how to use a sewing machine a little bit, or start dressing like everyone else, which I don't want to happen. Again I say, I want to find a look that screams me. I have no idea what type of look suits me, I thought I did, but I can't really say I classify myself as any sort of type of person anymore. I use to dress like a prep in middle school, that's who I thought I was, then in eighth grade I decided I wanted to go more punk but not that over the top. I kept that up till maybe senior year, which is when I just started wearing anything I felt like and if I liked it, it was what I wore that day. I didn't care what people thought, I only cared what I thought, still do. But now I don't like what I wear and think that I've settle for clothes that I probably never really liked. It's not like I hate everything I own. I actually love a lot of the clothes I own, but I feel that I may have this one shirt, but not say a cool cardigan or cool pants or jeans to go with it so the overall affect is gone. Sometimes I don't wear a certain shirt because I feel that if I wear with the jeans I own then they will tone it down, and I'll not be me anymore on the outside. Same thing goes with my hair. I want it long, but my hair doesn't grow that fast and also I feel my hair style isn't me. I feel I'm having an identity crisis but only with the outside. Like I know who I am on the inside but that doesn't come through on the outside. It is completely frustrating most days, and some days I wish I could go on a shopping spree just to find the me on the outside. Just to find those clothes that will finally show people who I am. Maybe it's just in my head that the person I am doesn't come through when I step outside or when I choose what shirt to wear, maybe others can tell what type of person I am, but I think they can't. It doesn't matter if they can, I want to be the one who notices. Because I haven't ever asked someone what they think when  I know I like what I have on, it's only when I'm not sure, and lately I feel like I need to ask people and I hate that. This is just too frustrating. I'm hoping I can find this new look that shows me.

Alisha

Previously on The Alisha Show...

So the last time I had posted I talked about a little dream of mine. Nothing too big like saving the world or becoming Batwoman(which would be awesome!), no it was just about me getting to be lazy and watch movies. I'm thinking this dream can be accomplished at any time in my life, so for now it is on hold. It's on hold primarily because I am back at the oh so wonderful Clemson University taking 2 classes instead of 1 this summer session. I wish I hadn't decided to take summer classes. First summer session fooled me into thinking this wouldn't be that bad, but right now I can't stand my Chem 102 class. I don't have the same professor as I did for Chem 101, and I really wish I did. My Chem 101 professor seemed to teach it better, and I got the material a lot easier. It's not like I'm not understanding it this time, I'm one of the few people who actually passed the first test. It's just that I feel like he doesn't really try to get us to understand it. He also wants to use a book none of us have from Chem 101. A book that all the homework's based on, but it costs at least $200, and I won't ever use it again, I'll be using it for a couple of weeks, and I won't get nearly that much back for it when I try to sell it back(if they even allow me to sell it back). I was thinking about getting the ebook, but that costs $100. They really don't want me to get this book. So for now I'm just dealing with it and trying to get through the class so I can go on to Organic in the fall. Mainly I just want to get to the fall semester. I just want to get through all of it. I really wish I could transfer in the spring but I have to wait a year and transfer in the fall. I'm hoping the next year goes by well. Anyways, last time I talked about My World With Netflix, well these next few weeks I have to live in the awful world of My World Without Netflix. I'm not looking forward to it. Wish me luck with these next few weeks!

Alisha

The Torture Is Almost Over

So as of today(Thursday), I am done with Chem lab for a couple of weeks and almost finished with my chemistry lecture. To be honest the class wasn't completely horrible. I do believe that my professor is a little crazy, since he did blow something up in class on purpose. Except for that the class has been fine. I like having less people in it. My professor actually knows me and I've talked to him a few times, unlike during the regular fall or spring semester when classes have over 50 students in them or maybe a 100 or possibly 300 all together, which makes it harder for me to go and talk with my professor. The only thing really bad about my summer so far is that I've spending it at Clemson. A place I have begun to loathe. I thought by the end of spring semester I actually liked it here. Boy was I wrong! No the only thing I like about this place is the friends I made over the year. Other than that I would be happy to be away from this place. I think I have put this in another post that Clemson charges too much. Well they do that for both fall, spring, and summer. Summer is outrageous. I truly hate dealing with financial aid. They are no help, and seem to want to make you end up in debt. If I had known that I would enjoy my major so much, I would of looked more into schools that offer it. Sadly even if I had known, only 72 schools offer Food Science as a major. Most of the schools only have maybe 250 undergraduates in the major. I keep going on collegeboard and other random college search sites hoping that one day the number will change. I want the number to magically increase from 72 to 100 or more as soon as I type in the words "Food Science." I know this will not happen over night, and most likely not even while I'm in college. So for now my only opinions are to stay in the same major, transfer my junior year cause my mom actually said it would be better and I agree with her. Usually she allows me to make this decision. I think her saying I can't transfer during my sophomore year is her getting some say since I have decided that I want to transfer to a school over 1,000 miles away from my hometown. She has to be okay with some part of this. I know that it will be a big change for her. This whole year I've only been 2 and a half hours away and I have a cousin who doesn't live that far away from campus. Now I want to go to a school where I know no one, and there are none of my relatives around. Amazingly, I'm perfectly okay with this. I want to get farther away, not from her, just from my small town. Other than transferring, I could stay at Clemson, and possibly end up miserable and hating it even more. I know there are no guarantees that I will like it wherever I possibly transfer, but it's at least got to be better than where I'm at now. It's making me made just typing this right now. So I'm going to stop and hope that the week off I have to go back and go through this again is at least fun. Hopefully I get to sleep a lot. I'm seriously sleep deprived since I have an 8 AM everyday and tend to not got to sleep when I should. I should know by now that midnight or 1 aren't very reasonable times to go to sleep when I have my alarm set for 6. It's not like I listen to my alarm anyways. I always wake up an hour later. Maybe I'll eventually learn, probably not.

Adios,

Alisha

Second Day of Classes, a Little Aggravated, But I'll Get Over It, Maybe.

So I'm doing okay here at Clemson. I've met some cool people so far from this thing I'm involved in. I've decided that my roommate and I may not be good friends like I had wanted. It's okay. I've met people who don't get along with their roommates or be friends with them. She's okay, just she's decided to stop asking me if I want to go places with her. Not that I wanted her to ask me in the first place. Like today she went to dinner, and I hadn't eaten yet, but she didn't even ask if I had. I don't care that she's making other friends. I want to make new friends too. I think one problem is that I'm not very outgoing so I'm not always talking. I'm quiet, and I know this. But if you do get to know me you'll come to find out I'm very sarcastic, and will start talking to you. I did meet this cool guy at the thing I went to today, and he seemed like someone I could be friends with. I just don't know if I'll get to see him that much. So, this weekend I'm hoping to find something interesting to do. I have 3 classes tomorrow, and I think the last one ends at 3 or 4 not sure. Today I only had one class. It was Biology and it started at 8, but I didn't mind since it gave me a free day basically. So I'm going to stop my rant, and maybe my roommate and I will find something in common. We do have some things in common, but she doesn't seem to want to hang out with me. Like I said, if she just got to know me she'd find out that I will actually talk to her. Right now it's super quiet in my room, except my jamming at my keyboard. I need hints on how to meet new people, it's not like I've never made new friends. I made of couple of friends this summer, who seem like I'll actually stay friends with. Argh!!!!!!!! I'm stressed out enough as it is. I don't need this added on to it. ARGH!!!!!! AGAIN! So now I think I will officially stop my rant!

Adios,

Alisha