Why Can't Life be Like the Movies?

Why can't my life be like a romantic comedy where in the end everything works out like it's suppose to. You end up with the right guy and everything seems perfect. You never know how life is afterwards but you believe in your heart that it all works out perfectly. That their lives are going to be great now since the two people that were meant to be are together and always will be.

Life seems to only be like this in my dreams. Nothing ever goes like the movies and if it does, then I find myself questioning it and wondering when I'll wake up. Life isn't perfect. You don't accept that everything works out as soon as that final kiss happens. You don't accept not knowing what happens after the credits role. I find myself nowadays hating romantic comedies because they get this so-called awesome guy who just happens to be perfect for them, while you're questioning yourself about why you can't find that guy for you. Romantic comedies need to go jump off a cliff. I sound like a cynic and someone who doesn't believe in love, but I do. I'm even happy right now, but I still hate romantic comedies. Only a few of them are worth watching. Most of them have the same plot line, just different characters and maybe a different scenario, they all still end the same with me wanting to throw the DVD out the window. You can easily predict the ending. Yet with me thinking this, I still wish my life was like it. If only. 

Hmmmmmm

Well I have no idea what to title this post, which is why it got the title it got.

Anyways, what I really want to post about is the fact that I am a person who tends to obsess over something so much that it becomes the one thing I focus on. For instance, when I like a guy, which is the thing I'm mainly referring to now. I have problems focusing on anything other than whether or not I will see/talk/hang out/ anything that has to do with him. It's completely annoying but I can't help myself. I really want to think about something else but have a hard time with that. I tend to analyze everything just wanting to know what it may mean. I'm a complete idiot when it comes to guys. Last year I had the same problem, but still managed to get work done. I don't know why this year is differently. Maybe because I've been sick and obsessing over a guy at the same time. So I've decided to not try too hard with this guy and not force anything so I can focus on my school work and other important things. I have no idea if this will work but it may help me finally be able to get through my last class on Mondays and Wednesdays without worrying about whether I'm going to see him or not. But if I know me, which lately I think I don't know myself that much at all, then this will most likely not happen. I wish I could do this, and hopefully I can. Wish me luck!!!

When My Life Seems LIke It's Going Awesome, I Just Get Worse

By this I mean that for 3 weeks now I have been on and off sick with different things. It makes no sense to me what so ever. This week has been the worse. By Friday last week I finally got to feeling better and the party turned out to go better than expected. Still not sure about how the guy I like feels about me, but at least we talk to each other and hang out. I know I want more, but I have no idea about him. Anyways, this week again Monday was good for only one reason, but mostly that day was horrible. I felt terrible and had to leave work early. I haven't even been back to work lately because of how horrible I feel. My mom thinks it's the flu. I have never had the flu, so I don't know what it's like. And if I do have it I really don't want to get others sick. I have also missed more classes than ever this week. I hate that part because I know I do not need to be missing classes. I have also barely eaten anything and no medicine seems to help me. I don't want to go back to Redfern(the student health center here on campus) because last time they didn't help me at all. All I really want is one week where I don't feel extremely crappy. Yesterday was pretty bad too. I had an exam that I couldn't miss because medical excuses for this class don't allow for a make up exam. I have no idea if I did as well as I could have on the exam. Right now all I want is to be my normal self again. Is that too much to ask? Tomorrow I plan on going to work, apologizing for missing so much. and going to all my classes because none of them can be missed. I will have to deal with the way I feel and get through the day no matter what. I hope I don't lose my job. It's not like I planned to be sick. I even went in Monday planning to stay my whole shift, when 45 minutes in I nearly threw up and had to leave. I think my boss understands. I also don't want to get anyone else sick if I am contagious. I don't know what to do right now, I just want to feel better! 

Can't This Just Go Away

So lately I have been feeling really crappy. There's absolutely no reason for it. Honestly I don't understand why I feel so low. Earlier this week, Monday, I had an awesome day that should have made my whole week awesome, but no by Tuesday I was feeling like I hit rock bottom. Then yesterday I just felt even worse. Not even seeing the guy I have a too huge of crush on made me feel any better. That's when I knew something was wrong. I'm not only feeling low, I feel nauseous, extremely tired, don't want to eat anything, and short of breath. I am at this moment blaming it on this new medicine that I started taking that is suppose to make me feel better but all it's done is make me feel worse. On Monday I was excitedly looking forward to Friday, now I don't know. There's this party going on Friday, that I was happily looking forward to but now it's making me upset. I want to stop taking this medicine, but I'm not sure if that will help or just make things worse. On top of that I need to go see the doctor but today happens to be my busiest day and absolutely have no real free time to stop by there and wait since I have no appointment. I could possibly go tomorrow, but at this point I honestly don't care. That's another thing, I've started thinking I don't care about a lot of things and last week that was not the case. I feel like I have become the most depressed person in the world, and I blame this medicine. I wasn't blaming the medicine, I was thinking it was just me, till I told my mom and she told me to check the side effects of what I'm taking online. Turns out everything I'm going through is a possible side effect of the medicine. Another problem with that is it's not like I got one or two side effects, it's like I've gotten almost all of them! That seems odd to me. So maybe I should see the doctor, but I have no time and can't really make time. So I really have no idea what to do right now. 

Fall Semester Off To A Great Start!

So I've been at back at college for a little over a week now. I've gotta say sophomore year seems like it is going to be a lot better than freshman year. I plan on doing a post about the perks of the second year over the first. Right now all I really want to do is scream, with joy that is. I'm am soooooo happy right now! It's actually kind of weird. It has something to do with a guy, but right now that's all I can say since I don't know how he feels about me. I do know that every time that I see him I get super nervous and it's hard to eat. I've had this feeling before and it's always annoyed me, but it also tells me that I must really like this guy. Another problem is there may be another guy I like because I get the same feeling around him, but again I have no idea about how he feels. I'm terrible at reading guys. Absolutely clueless. I just know I have to figure this out. Now I'm kind of frustrated because I feel like I should like the one I hung out with yesterday, but I don't know anymore. Yet I'm still happy and can't help but smile. Besides this exciting news/dilemma, my classes are going okay and I'm liking my new job. Only problem with them is that I have an 8 am, and it makes me just want to go to sleep. Hopefully that doesn't happen because it's organic chemistry and I need to do well in this class. Anyways this is all I'm going to say for now. I'll post something else later.

Alisha

Finally Over!!!

I have officially finished summer classes! Hooray! Now I can go home and sleep! Finally! The torture that is Chemistry 102 is now over! I can now take a short break and not worry until August 24th, which is when I start back for fall semester. Hopefully I can get through it. I seriously don't think I'll be doing another summer course, especially not at my school. I'm still looking into transferring, but I have till April to send in my applications, that's enough time to decide. I'm hoping this week and a half is enough time for me to catch back up on sleep, who knows if I'll get any during the fall. This break also means that I probably won't be posting that much, not that I do that now. It mainly means I probably won't be posting that much on my other blog, the one I review books on. Well anyways this was just suppose to be a short rant about finally being done with summer classes. I am never going through that again!(Hopefully)

Oh and before I forget, I remember that last year I had posted about working at the post office. Well I thought I would still be working there, but they got bought out. I was going to reapply and work for the new company(they really seemed to want me), but I had applied for a couple of other jobs just in case I wasn't guaranteed a job at the post office, which I wasn't. So I had an interview with Special Collections, a branch of the library, and they were willing to hire me that day. So I went to talk to the new boss at the post office, and he told me he would love to have me but there was no guarantee and actually told me to take the job at the library. I wasn't going to argue. I kind of wanted a change. I loved working at the post office, but I have always loved the library and am hoping that this job goes ok. I also liked that they basically guaranteed me a job as long as I informed them of my plans by today. I had talked to the post office on Monday, and then called them that same day. It's the same hours, same pay. It's just a change of scenery. I won't see people as much, but I'm an introvert, I never really liked dealing with arrogant college students anyways. The only reason I say this is because a bunch of them thought they had a right to tell me how to do my job, when they had no idea what they were talking about. One girl even told me to tell whoever puts stuff in the mailboxes to make sure not to cause the boxes to open because hers was open. After talking to one of my supervisors, I was told there was no way we could of caused her box to come open from putting mail in there. She had left it open. I wasn't mad that she told me this, I was mad at the way she said, all high and mighty. No, I'm not going to miss it. I am going to miss being able to tell my friends when their package has gotten there, or being there when mine got there, and being able to get as soon as I processed it. I loved that part. I also really liked my co workers, but only a few of them are going to still be there. I'm really looking forward to my new job. I will most likely start as soon as fall semester starts, which is another plus since the post office couldn't tell me when I would be able to start back if I did get the job.

Now this is really the end of this post.

Alisha

Change...

I want a new look because I feel like I need a change. I need some clothes that tell people who I am. At the moment, I feel neither my clothes nor my hair tell people anything about me. I have always been someone who never wanted to copy what others wear. I wanted my own style, wanted to be as far from the norm that I could handle. Yet in college, I feel like I didn't do this. I feel like I didn't show people the true me when they first met me. It's hard for me to tell people anything, and I think I try to get some things out by wearing what I wear. Again, I think I toned it down when I got to college. I'm not saying I wore crazy clothes in high school. I did wear a mix between punk and skater and I don't know what. It was whatever I felt like wearing that day. I do know that nowadays I just wear jeans and a t-shirt, and I've come to hate this look. I use to wear skirts with colorful leggings and just as colorful Converse. I think I've dressed like this once, and the Converse weren't as colorful and I looked like I was dressing up and no one knew I would wear something like this on a normal day for me. I don't know what happened to me. I know I learned more about myself once I got to college, but yet I changed the one part of me I thought I knew. I changed how I dressed and I don't like it. I don't like it even more that stores I loved to shop at have started selling clothes I would never wear. I love my shoes, but the one time of the year that I am actually willing to wear sandals(I don't like flip flops, I'll only wear them sometimes) they start selling these ugly gladiator sandals. I loathe those shoes. I don't get why no sandal besides the ones for old ladies can be anything but gladiator sandals. If they aren't than they are also just as ugly or hurt my feet. I've had the hardest time finding a pair of sandals to wear that I've gone most of this summer wearing TOMS. I want to be able to find clothes or shoes that scream me! But so far no such luck. It's either make my clothes, which is not really an option since I know only how to use a sewing machine a little bit, or start dressing like everyone else, which I don't want to happen. Again I say, I want to find a look that screams me. I have no idea what type of look suits me, I thought I did, but I can't really say I classify myself as any sort of type of person anymore. I use to dress like a prep in middle school, that's who I thought I was, then in eighth grade I decided I wanted to go more punk but not that over the top. I kept that up till maybe senior year, which is when I just started wearing anything I felt like and if I liked it, it was what I wore that day. I didn't care what people thought, I only cared what I thought, still do. But now I don't like what I wear and think that I've settle for clothes that I probably never really liked. It's not like I hate everything I own. I actually love a lot of the clothes I own, but I feel that I may have this one shirt, but not say a cool cardigan or cool pants or jeans to go with it so the overall affect is gone. Sometimes I don't wear a certain shirt because I feel that if I wear with the jeans I own then they will tone it down, and I'll not be me anymore on the outside. Same thing goes with my hair. I want it long, but my hair doesn't grow that fast and also I feel my hair style isn't me. I feel I'm having an identity crisis but only with the outside. Like I know who I am on the inside but that doesn't come through on the outside. It is completely frustrating most days, and some days I wish I could go on a shopping spree just to find the me on the outside. Just to find those clothes that will finally show people who I am. Maybe it's just in my head that the person I am doesn't come through when I step outside or when I choose what shirt to wear, maybe others can tell what type of person I am, but I think they can't. It doesn't matter if they can, I want to be the one who notices. Because I haven't ever asked someone what they think when  I know I like what I have on, it's only when I'm not sure, and lately I feel like I need to ask people and I hate that. This is just too frustrating. I'm hoping I can find this new look that shows me.

Alisha